I am a reformed curmudgeon. I have spent the last 18 months or so, rehabbing myself after life made me hard. Life was hard, and had been difficult for so long that I forgot how to see the beauty in things. Post pandemic, I struggled to trust people. I worked from home (still pro-wfh). I ordered my groceries delivered. I ordered what I needed from Amazon. My life was buy now, overnight it, instant dopamine gratification. And that was fine, because I was exhausted, and I had nothing else going on.
But after a while, I began to feel something was missing. I struggled to feel whole, or complete. I was doing everything right, in so many ways, and was succeeding across the board, but my life wasn't what I wanted, and often I was pretty lonely.
At the time, I was still working, and I remember talking with my therapist about my job being kind of unchallenging, but whatever, I was supposed to be resting, wasn't I? And she asked me something that's always stayed with me, and it was, "Are you resting, or are you understimulated?"
And I was understimulated.
Eventually, you reach a point where rest stops being restorative. For me (and I think especially for people with ADHD) not having enough enrichment in your environment starts doing more harm than good. But discovering interests opens a whole new can of worms, which really boiled down to, to engage in a hobby, I'm going to have to leave my home. I'm going to have to talk to people again, and I'm going to have to learn to trust them.
I did it slowly. I've talked in the past about how going to the library and talking with the librarians helped me to get more comfortable. I started to chat with my neighbors more. I learned to love people and meet them where they were at. And in that, I found the actual healing that I needed to move forward in my burnout recovery.
I think we talk a lot about surviving burnout. We talk about rest, boundaries, saying no, and getting out of the environment that hurt us. Those things matter.
But we don't talk enough about what comes next.
There comes a point where the isolation that protected you starts keeping you small. Healing begins asking something different of you. It asks you to be curious again. To leave your house. To strike up a conversation with a stranger. To know your neighbors. To care about people again.
It is letting yourself become interested in the world again.
You can't stay a butterfly in the goo forever.
For me, the next stage of burnout recovery wasn't more rest. It was slowly, awkwardly, learning how to participate in life again.
That's where I found the part of myself I thought I'd lost.
Weekly R.E.P.O.R.T.
What I'm Reading, Eating, Playing, Obsessing, Recommending and Treating.
Reading: We're so back baby. I've got two books this week. One, I just finished. The Millionaires Wife by Cathy Scott. This is an old true crime book I picked up from the library.
Additionally, I just started the audiobook version of The Culting of America: What Makes a Cult and Why We Love Them by Amy Reed and Daniella Mestyanek Young. If you've worked for a start up, you especially will enjoy this.
Eating: Highlights this week included air fryer gochujang wings served with a sad little side of avocado.
And on Sunday, I hosted a few friends over for a casual brunch. I made an overnight French Toast Casserole, and served it with fresh fruit, as well as strawberry chamomile water.
Playing: Playing around with a gallery wall. I haven't put nails to wall yet, but I'm getting closer. I have a variety of items I've been collecting for a bit.
And then playing, but in a more relaxing way. Over the weekend we spent a few hours at a lake, and I'm always so refreshed after being near the water.
Obsessing: Over this maxi skirt I thrifted for $8 recently. I wanted to wear it to brunch but it was way too hot, but soon this beauty will see the light of day.
Recommending: Thinking twice before you speak. Mercury entered retrograde today and communication is gonna be wonky. I always benefit from giving things a beat before charging ahead.
Treating: I get a weekly produce box, and despite it being only for 2 people, we have a ton more than we normally use. I often give some away, but it also pushes me to get a bit more creative with how I use things. That looked like fried mushrooms and green beans last night. We have happy hour at home.
The end.
xoxo
Jessica
ps.
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