The Burned Out Assistant

July 6, 2026

The Commodification of Community and Why You're Still Lonely

Isn't it interesting how in 2026, we're in more "communities" than ever, and yet people are also somehow lonelier than ever?

That's what I've been thinking about this morning.

I've been online for more years than I haven't. I was born in the 1900s. I got a family computer around 11, and by 13 was getting into knock-down, drag-out fights with my brother on who was going to get access to it, so we could talk to our online friends in a Dragon Ball Z chatroom.

Shortly after, I became a member of a makeup message board, that was really active, with primarily women. It was truly the closest to community I've ever had, and it was online. We showed up for people when they needed it. The women there walked with me through my first, and my second divorce. There was I taught things about womanhood I never would have gotten from my own mother, and to this day, I don't go a day with thinking about the difference it made in who I am now, as I am blessed enough to mentor women now.

So what was different about that, vs the communities of today?

It wasn't monetized. As a matter of fact, the website, makeupalley.com went out of business last year, probably because they were never able to make money off of it. Yes they were probably selling our data in some way, but the site was free, moderated, and pretty insular, related to our interest in makeup which meant it was primarily women.

In 2026, you can't get that. Life is too expensive to have a messageboard, with a paid moderator. No one is creating that without the ulterior motive of, "How do I monetize this?" I've done it. I've worked with others as they try and scale to figure out the same for their business. We all have a cost of living, to stay on the planet we didn't ask to be on.

And so every interaction you have online, feels like a ploy or marketing scheme. After too much time on LinkedIn, I noticed that I couldn't use social media without feeling like prey. Nothing felt authentic anymore, because I know too much. I had more "community" available than ever, constantly at my fingertips, but for what? I had very few real-life friends, and barely anyone I could call on in my time of need.

The internet isn't bad for making friends. I've talked about this many times, but all my favorite people in real life, I did meet online. I met my husband online, for example. But it is bad for making friends close to you, that you can call on a bad day, to go grab a drink. Or to scoot down to Niagara-on-the-Lake and do a garden tour.

Unfortunately, to un-lonely yourself, you've got to get back to human engagement. You've got to start building real community again, despite the struggle, effort, and awkwardness of it all. You have to go have those IRL interactions that cannot be monetized by Big Data.

But it's hard! We're so disconnected, which only makes us lonelier. But I don't know, I just think this is such an opportunity for myself, and so many of my peers with my skillset. More and more I'm beginning to understand the vision of where I want to go with my work, and it comes down to building community, offline.

Currently, that looks like planning events. Back when I was an executive assistant, that was the favorite work thing that I got to do. I loved bringing people together, and letting them be their best selves while making new friends. I'm taking that skillset back, for my community now.

Later this month, I am hosting a garden party for a peer running for city council in my ward. I am enthusiastic about this person as a leader, and trust him to bring his values to work and lead with them. Municipal elections are won by grassroots, door knocking, meet and green campaigns, and by organizing a small open house type party, I'll be able to introduce him to over 50 homes in my area.

Additionally, I'm testing hosting local, community get togethers. My first is being hosted in Toronto, for the Threads community, but the next is already in the works as well.

So, what I hope you can take away from this, is if you're lonely, you're not alone. Most of us are in some way. But meeting, engaging and developing acquaintances and then friendships locally? That's the solution. That's where we need to be putting our energy.

Weekly R.E.P.O.R.T.

What I'm Reading, Eating, Playing, Obsessing, Recommending and Treating.

Reading: I've lightly started a new Ann Rule book, but hardly enough to list it as reading. I'm also still working through The Culting of America, as mentioned last week. So nothing super exciting here.

Eating: A lot of cold things. The heat last week was brutal, I did a Costco order of prepared things just to avoid turning the stove on.

Playing: I picked up two games on the Steam Sale, to try and play on my laptop in bed at night. The first that I've started is Tiny Garden. You basically create little gardens in Polly Pocket type containers. VERY CUTE.

Obsessing: Okay so I think last week I mentioned I was going to do the gallery wall. Well, Saturday we finally got around to it. I definitely want to add more, and patch up the holes, but happy with it so far!

Recommending: Going to the farmers market and indulging in some of the amazing produce and flowers available. I went this past Thursday to ours and got this beautiful bouquet for $10.

Treating: Myself to some trinkets. Sunday, I went to an outdoor antique market for awhile, and then hit up a nearby antique mall I've wanted to check out for a bit. Very into miniatures for my trinket shelf these days, so I was excited to find these.