This week, we're talking about being fulfilled. It's been on my mind a lot.
Also, side bar, I'm sorry I missed writing last week. It was a long one, I was exhausted, and I figured everyone would soldier on without me if I dipped out.
Anyway, back to fulfillment. When I was teaching technology, and everyone was clapping, and I was doing a ton of events, I remember never feeling proud. Not just never feeling proud, but never feeling complete. Ultimately, I wasn't fulfilled.
A quick definition of fulfillment, from Science Direct, is "Being fulfilled as a human is a cognitive-affective state characterized by a deep sense of wholeness, satisfaction, and meaning."
I had no meaning, satisfaction or wholeness. And it sucked. It drained me almost more than working in corporate did. But since burning it all down to the ground, I've noticed something. I feel fulfilled. Not because I'm making bank, and am the most successful person I know. But because I'm living aligned with my values, and it isn't killing me from the inside out.
It took me a long time to understand what my values were. I'd been through a lot in my life, but I'd always been in survival mode. Nothing I did was a conscious choice I'd planned in advance, I was always reacting.
Reacting when I realized my marriage was miserable.
Reacting when I got laid off.
Reacting when someone asked me to speak on a new topic.
Reacting when I got burned out.
To reach a place of fulfillment, it took rebuilding from a more solid foundation than I'd ever had before. It meant asking myself questions I didn't even know how to ask yet. For me, that was a spiritual journey, but it could be many things. The important part is starting to pay attention to what makes you feel something again.
When I was in peak burnout, feeling was impossible. Again, survival mode. You do what you have to, to get by, and that meant not spending time on the things that I loved. Or having interests outside of my work. It meant that I didn't know that values I had even existed, because I'd never been exposed to them, to be able to formulate them.
So when I could finally find the brain power to be curious again, and feel things, I started letting it guide me to my values. It opened up a world of healing mediums that allowed me to come back to myself.
I learned I love social science non-fiction audio books, but cannot listen to fiction.
I learned I like sewing!
And it led me to making my garden, which has been the most fulfilling of all.
You see the reason that work never fulfilled me, despite the applause, is yes because it was going against my inner values, but also, it never ended. There was never a moment where I could step back and admire the bounty I'd created, the beauty I could behold. When I finished a commitment, I had another. And I was never happy about it, it just filled me with a sense of neverending dread.
But creating? Creating gave me fulfillment. It made me ask myself questions, like why is this important to me? What emotion am I experiencing when I am creating this? It made me think deeper, strengthen my values, and actually bring them to life. And that itself began to heal me from burnout.
There are a lot of ways you can start to feel more fulfilled. Some are easy, some are hard. If you find that you're lacking that feeling in your life, and you're starting a new chapter, searching for your next step, or needing help navigating life, that's what my work is for.
Together, we map out where you are, and where you want to be. We look at clear, actionable steps, and how you can start to build burnout resistant habits into them.
Weekly R.E.P.O.R.T.
What I'm Reading, Eating, Playing, Obsessing, Recommending and Treating.
Reading: I just wrapped up Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage by Belle Burden
I'm not used to crying about other peoples divorces, if anything, I tend to be quite thrilled when I find out a woman is getting divorced. This memoir had me sobbing on multiple occasions, a really emotional read or listen.
Eating: Girl Kibble. As a woman of a certain age, I'm expected to consume more protein than reasonable. As someone who takes Vyvanse for ADHD, eating can be a struggle in the mornings. Enter, Girl Kibble. I get protein rich yogurt, put my kibble on (protein granola) throw on some fruit and honey. Very low effort.
Playing: Okay, well, we know I'm very into my gardening era. Last year, I just kind of winged it. I bought plants on clearance, I impulse bought, I really just kind of experimented. And that was okay. I learned a lot. I fuck around, to find out after all.
This year, I wanted to be a bit better. And lucky me, right in my community is a small business who specializes in native plants and homesteading for smaller yards. Sarah at Sunnyhill Homestead came out to me, but she also does virtual sessions. Together, we walked around my garden, and she asked questions to help plan my vision.
When this came for me, I absolutely squealed with glee. Today's newsletter is late because I've been busy working on my front yard. This weekend, we'll be getting started on the back!
Obsessing: This silly goose bag I thrifted for $2.99
Recommending: Getting involved with your local community. I recently attended a local town hall, and will keep doing so in the future, because whoa buddy, do we need to be the change we want to see.
Treating: This was more like, the universe treating me, but today while picking up some plants from the middle of nowhere, I came across this beautiful table for free. She had some cobwebs (don't we all) but I gave her a wash and I'm in loved. She's perfect for my patio.
The end.
Alright, be good to yourself this week, in whatever form that takes. Be good to each other. But do be a little mean sometimes, as a treat, it's good to keep a solid balance.
xoxo
Jessica
